Looking for true love?

Are you looking for true love?

Probably not because if you were you would have found it. Tis true. Do not react with anger instead reflect.

If you believe that you are looking for true love and it is not in your life then you need to look at what you are doing to block it.

What are your beliefs?

Do you like men? Think they are all bastards? Think they are all players? Think they are only after sex?

Maybe that is the truth of your experience. If so why are you drawing such unsuitable types into your life?

What do you present to the world?

Is love only for beautiful girls like the bride above? Are you not worthy of love? Are you scared of being vulnerable? Are you protecting yourself from pain? Do you believe love is only for fairy tales?

Are you a princess? Do you believe men should worship and adore you? Do you think a relationship is all about getting your needs met?

Would you date you?

Here's a possible scenario:

You date a guy for 5 years.  He is good looking, successful, clever, fun, the sex is great and you keep hoping for more. You want children but he does not. You may even live together. You put your life on hold to suit him. You pass 40 and can no longer have children. He then dumps you and marries a younger version 6 months later and has 2 children within 2 years.

What a bastard? No. What an idiot you are. If you want something and you do not have it in a relationship - end the relationship - sooner rather than later - It will not improve.

Here's another scenario:

You date a guy for 2 years. You split. Six months later you are having regular sex. That is all. You cannot resist. You hope you will get back together.  You won't. You are saving him the costs of a prostitute or the risk of STI if he picks up strangers in bars.

What a user? No. What an idiot you are.

There are lots more possible scenarios of women not finding true love. What runs through them all?  The way the women allow other people to mistreat them - respect begins with self respect.

Lose that and you lose everything.

What do you need to do to fix it? It is a four step process - painful but you can have an ice cream to help you work through it if you want.  The result - happiness, self belief, freedom from anxiety and neediness and- If you want it- true love.

The importance of goals

If you are going to dream... You may aswell dream big... Donald Trump

Great advice.

What do you do with your dreams?

Set goals.

What do you do with your goals?

Action them.

What happens if you don't action them?  Life passes and your dreams fade...

How do you keep track? Write them down.

I had 7 goals in 2012  and I achieved 5 of them.

What happened to the 2 I did not action?

I got diverted.

Are they still on my goals for 2014?

One is and one is not.

The one that is still there needs to be reviewed - is this something I really want to do or not -because I am not making time for it?

So is it OK to change your goals?

Yes but what about your dreams?

It is better to change them than let them fade and die.

You know if you  are living your dream by how happy you are.

Are you in flow?
Does life work for you?
Do you complain a lot?
Do you feel restless and under utilized?
Bored even?

Why do people not live their dreams?

FEAR

Fear of change
fear of failure
Fear of success
fear of the unknown
fear of rejection
Fear, fear, fear - how boring is that?

What about you? What do you want? Who do you want to be? Who do you want in your life? Where do you want to live? How do you want to earn money?

IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT YOU WILL END UP LIVING SOMEONE ELSE'S DREAM

It can be easy to work it out. Give yourself some time and space. Ask the 2 obvious questions:
If money was no obstacle what would I do?

If talent was no obstacle and I could be anyone I want what would I do?

If the pleasure zone does not work try the panic mode.

If you lost everything - house, job, friends - everything and you had to start again what would you do?

Not bad enough?
How about-
If you woke up naked in a rice field in China what would you do? 

Still stuck? I can help you work out what you want and how to get there.
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Men's Hot and Crazy List for Women

This video is funny - do not take offence . It gives an insight into how a lot of men select women - not how women truly are.

Men prefer a good looking woman who is emotionally stable. They do not seek drama and emotional outpourings.  They are very visually stimulated so given this is how they are wired biologically we must stop lamenting their superficiality. They also do not like to spend time focusing on where they are at emotionally. They would like to just enjoy and not spend a lot of time analyzing their feelings. However - they miss the point that it can often be their behavior which ignites the emotional drama. How many times have you seen a man fall apart emotionally when the woman he loves leaves him? They can express they just choose not to.

Women do the same thing but list men on hot and money. I would give him 3 for hot.. any women above a 5 on the hot list who dates him must think he scores above an 8 for money..

Here's the thing - 80% of women are hot and only 20% of men - Paretto's rule applies to this as well as everything else. Which is why soo many women end up with men for their money.  Then the men think the women have gone crazy... but they are not they are just expressing their disappointment.

All connections are a trade - who are we to judge others? It is rare indeed to have equality -Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are both famous, rich and beautiful so this should be a fabulous match of like minded spirits but what else have they got a connection with? Hopefully everything.

My advice to women:

1. Forget about finding a man to make you happy.  He can't. Only you can make you happy.
2. Set boundaries - what behavior are you prepared to put up with?
3. Work out what you want from the connection.
4.  Work out what you need in your life right now.  If it is a loving committed relationship forget the players - if it is a fling - carry on!
5. What do you bring to the table? Where are you on the crazy hot list?

The Little Book of Love...

Coming soon...

Men to avoid

Does he love me?

Do you love yourself?

What is Love?

When a man loves a woman

Extracts from the book...

IF A MAN SAYS,

HE IS TOO BUSY,

 HE IS TOO SHY,

 IT IS TOO EARLY

TOO…

THESE ARE ALL EXCUSES INSTEAD OF SAYING…

I DON’T WANT ANYMORE THAN WE HAVE RIGHT NOW

IF YOU DATE A MAN WHO IS IN A RELATIONSHIP

 WITH SOMEONE ELSE

 DO NOT EXPECT HIM

 TO BE FAITHFUL TO YOU…

 EVER 

Some of the pain women go through in the name of love is so unnecessary. If you spend even one more minute waiting for a guy to call that is a minute of your precious life that you will never get back.

If you are looking for love then it is important to look in the right places. There are a lot of frogs out there - and it is OK to kiss a few frogs maybe, but don't take it any further than that.

If something does not add up then trust your intuition.  If he does not introduce you to his friends or family there is a reason he wants to keep you out of the rest of his life.  Do not listen to this " I value the time you and I spend together so much and I do not want to share you with anyone else".

True story - I know of a lady who dated a guy for 2 years, holidayed with him, introduced him to all her friends and family, spent New Year with him, and then found out - after 2 years - that he was still living with his wife. How devastating is that? Were there any clues? Plenty. If you ignore your intuition you are setting yourself up for pain and loss. Or as my gorgeous lorry driver cousin said to me when I told him I was breaking up with a guy whom he did not like:

"Give me his address and phone number and I will introduce him to a life of pain..." Fortunately such retribution was not necessary but do not put yourself in a situation where your male relatives need to come to your rescue.

 

The Trouble with Men...

A woman meets a man and what does she think?  Great he is just perfect the way he is... No...  she thinks...

If he got promoted...

If he watched less sport...

If he played less computer games...

If he got rid of his childish ways...

If he stopped eating like a pig...

If he liked shopping...

If he stopped gambling, smoking, drinking...

If, if, if...

Does she tell a guy this? NO WAY! She is too busy playing Stepford Wives. He thinks he's hooked up with a chick that loves action movies and his leery mates, is a gourmet chef and is wild in the bedroom.

Then he marries his dream woman...

Sadly she then turns into herself and starts working on him to change any or all of the above.  He needs to clean house, watch chick flicks, go on a diet, take her shopping, only have sex when there is a full moon and with the lights out or worse - when she is ovulating.

I almost feel sorry for men.

Here's what you can change about men -

1. Their location - you can probably get him to move house, especially if he is still living with his mum or in a shared lad's hovel, sorry pad.

2. Their look - you can buy him clothes and leave them outside the shower for him to grab and put on.

Here's what you can't change about men:

1. Everything else.

Why do women try to recycle men?  Because they have a fantasy Prince in their head and they are brought up on Disney and expect a man to solve all their problems. Lots of women don't like making decisions - they want a man to look after them but they want him to look after them in the way they want not the way he sees it.

When infatuation wears off, if you do not love a man the way he is - leave him and spare you both a lot of pain and aggravation.

WHAT IS THE SOLUTION?

Be honest with men and yourself. Stop trying to be someone you are not just to catch a man - I promise you he isn't worth it and you are worth so much more than that.  Do not make catching a man your goal - make being happy your goal.

Get happy on your own.  Take responsibility for your own life.  Only have a man in your life who makes you feel good. Only then will you have the space to give love.